bitter milk of the tongue

May, 2013

too fucking hot to sleep. trying to categorize the thoughts that come to me while lying awake in bed:

to be apathetic, kaypoh, or selfishly apathetic/kaypoh
I begin to get stressed by the complexities (and/or selfishness) of most people I get to know, grow to understand, or love...the tension is always between leaving things alone, or actively trying to choose the best course of action for said persons / occasionally even myself. On this, I increasingly feel the need to think for myself because very often no one else will (fact of life that applies to almost everyone, we're all firstly responsible for ourselves!). I don't say this with disappointment but with genuine acceptance of what needs to be done. But my own selfishness and the fact that it is most likely necessary makes me sad...

being truly alone in the future and the need to be strong for it
Also, the thought of being alone is very scary. Which is why I fear the day my family - the only people who love me endlessly (through EVERYTHING) - leaves me because of illness or death. I'm not being overly imaginative I think, one day they will definitely leave and i just feel like thats not very far away in the future. Then, there will no longer be a safe place for me to retreat to during birthdays, spirited holidays or quiet vulnerable moments...in the endlessly tiring battles both real or imagined (in my head), there will no longer be people who I know I'm truly safe with. This also makes me sad. Neccessary...but still dreadfully sad.


Mar 10, 2013

"Institutional logic should be aligned with economic logic but need not be subordinate to it. For example, all companies require capital to carry out business activities and sustain themselves. However, at great companies profit is not the sole end; rather, it is a way of ensuring that returns will continue. The institutional view of the firm is thus no more idealized than is the profit-maximizing view. Well-­established practices, such as R&D and marketing, cannot be tied to profits in the short or long runs, yet analysts applaud them. If companies are to serve a purpose beyond their business portfolios, CEOs must expand their investments to include employee empowerment, emotional engagement, values-based leadership, and related societal contributions."

yes! i feel so inspired by this!


May 13, 2012

always attempt to rationalize life so i will NOT descend into the vagaries of over feeling. waste! of! time! note this forever!


Feb 23, 2010

dear myself, you should be more discerning with the people/things put in effort with or genuinely reveal yourself to (this sounds weird). some stuff you give you can't take back, thats the worst!


Jan 22, 2009

"I was too cool
To go to school
And Flunked the last semester.
But I’ve made up my mind
To put all that behind
And Be the comeback kid of the year!" - some livejournal



was looking through some of the stuff i wrote/read when i had too much time. good grief, sometimes i think the only use of a blog is for me to reflect on the strange thoughts i entertain in my head through the years...

anyway its clear that i'm still so damn lazy in school! going strong since 2009